1. Ate a carrot
2. Bought a carrot
3. Used a carrot for something other than eating
4. Gotten carrot-pregnant
5. Eaten an entire lemon
6. Lost a bottle of wine in bed
7. Ate food out of a trash can
8. Littered in a no littering zone
9. Given an entire hot dog to a cat
10. Given peanut butter to a cat
11. Eaten a whole can of frosting
12. Eaten a whole raw potato
13. I KNOW WHAT PLANTAINS ARE
14. Eaten a vinegar husband
15. Used a vinegar husband for the other use
the year is 2087. an old woman sits in her chair and stares at the sunset. she closes her eyes and whispers “they said scars will heal in time. but these scars wont heal. the memories stay forever” she takes a last look on the mass effect 3 case before slowly passing away.
Can we just talk about how I look fucking rad as all fuck today, considering I felt like death and almost threw up on the T on my way to work.
Also, I fucking love this jacket. I’m also so pale I glow and yes that is a fork in my mouth.
"This is why you can’t trust women! They’re so good at makeup and wear it to fool guys into thinking they’re hot!"
shit. girls he’s on to us *washes off makeup to reveal lizard face and climbs up a wall* we will return with a new disguise. soon the power of earthly men will fall